Thursday, August 19, 2010

Emotion: Unknown.

I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore.
I can't stand being with my friends anymore.
I want to devote myself to Will and only Will.
I hope when he comes home we are closer than ever cause I feel like after this summer it really is going to be just us.
I'm still pretty depressed but Will is helping a lot.

I think I maybe bipolar.
Now don't get pissy with me.
Believe me I can't stand when people who act crazy are always like ahah it's because I'm bipolar.
But I swear I'm not just saying it.
My mother, aunt, cousin. and sister are alll bipolar.
So there is a chance that I can be.
It would explain myself lately.

Let's go over the facts.
Here's the top signs of bipolar disorder.
1.Severe changes in mood — either extremely irritable or overly silly and elated
-Ohmygoodness yes! Everytime anyone in my family (or even lately my friends) speak to me I flip out. I don't even know why.

2.Overly-inflated self-esteem; grandiosity
-Okay this one is a no. I will never have a high self-esteem.

3. Increased energy
-At times yes.

Decreased need for sleep — ability to go with very little or no sleep for days without tiring
-Yes yes yess. Key word there is days. It's happened.

Increased talking — talks too much, too fast; changes topics too quickly; cannot be interrupted
-I guess so? Can't say yes or no for this.

Distractibility — attention moves constantly from one thing to the next

Hypersexuality — increased sexual thoughts, feelings, or behaviors; use of explicit sexual language
-Surprisingly yes. I am a virgin but lately I have been thinking about having sex with Will. That's unusual for me.

Increased goal-directed activity or physical agitation
- I don't exactly understand what this one means. Someone explain?

Disregard of risk — excessive involvement in risky behaviors or activities

Anyone readers who are bipolar. Talk to me?

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Emotion: Hysterical.

-Crying that is, not laughter. Definitally not laughter.

So I was just talking to my boyfriend Will.

His parents hatee living in my town because people decided to be douchebags and make their lives HELL. So they want to move.
They told Will that they wouldn't move until he graduated highshcool which is in two years. So I thought, Hey this is good, I don't have anything to worry about!.

But I was just talking to him and he springs on me tat he feels bad that his parents have to go through all this shit just so he can graduate at my school. And that I was the only reason keeping him from moving.
But he's decided that he's going to tell them he is okay with moving because he doesn't want them to have to go through this.

But what about me!?
We've been going out for like a year and a half now. And he's just going to leave me.
I'm utterly heart broken. He says he loves me and I believe he does but he just isn't as upset over is as I am.
Like I always saw myself marrying him. I wanted to be a once in a lifetime girl that actually marries her highschool sweetheart. Not the normal ones who saw they're soo in love and then end up breaking up. I never saw this happening.
I'm depressed as it is.
He is my best friend.
The only person I can talk to.
And I'm depressed as it is.
How am I supposed to make it without him here?

I'm crushed, entirely.